Shining in the Darkness

After my brother Josh was killed, there were many reasons why I felt the need to take a break from social media. One being that I simply had nothing to share with anyone but my own sorrow. I thought it would be wrong to fill your news-feed with the devastation I was feeling on a daily basis. And even though I truly appreciated everyone's condolences, I just didn't want to be "that sad girl" who everyone felt the need to say sorry to.

Another reason was because I could feel myself growing bitter as I'd scroll through all the status updates. One might think that a wounded spirit would be uplifted by the feed of random thoughts and the steady stream of smiling faces in pictures. But for me, instead of these things being a mindless distraction, they only made me feel more and more alone. It tortured me to see everyone happily carrying on with their lives when mine had just come to a sudden halt.

Now that I have taken some time to privately grieve and reflect, I've realized that by choosing to journey through this season of grief in my self-induced isolation, I am nothing but an obstacle in the way of an opportunity for God to show Himself to others. That might sound strange to some...but I suddenly had this revelation that He actually wants others to see how I've been processing this tragedy and to have a chance to hear of how He has been with me every step of the way.

I've always been very vocal about my faith and my posts on facebook are no exception to that. It's no secret that I have a relationship with Jesus Christ (at least that's what I hope). When great things are happening in my life and I can see Him working, I share it with anyone who will listen because it is a testament of His love for us. I want people to see Him at work through my life.

But I realized recently that it is just as important to show others how His grace and mercy are abundant in our lives even when tragedy strikes. Evidence of Him being alive in me should be shining through every part of me... whether I am on top of a mountain or if I am walking through the fire. If one of His children continues to walk in faith and love while they are celebrating victories AND when they are struggling through hardships...I believe that He can speak to someone who might be watching and maybe even turn their heart to Him in the process.

So I've decided that if I really want my life to be proof of His love, instead of closing myself off and suffering in silence, I need to be brightly shining...even in the darkness.

Expect more to come.....