Revelations of a Greater Purpose

When I applied for my current job, I knew I was reaching pretty high.

Too high. 
I was still in college and had no degree.
I had only small scale experience compared to what they were looking for.
But I had just become a teenage mother the year before.
I knew I needed to be doing something bigger.
So I was shooting for the stars....
And I actually caught one.

The first day at my new job was on my twentieth birthday.
I was in over my head.
Regret filled my heart as I started to realize what my responsibilities were.
Why did I set myself up for failure?
This work is so far beyond my ability.
How and why did I even get this job?

Six years have now passed.
And according to the director, I have "outgrown my position".
"You have mad skills and need to be in a leadership role", she says.
"You belong next to a CEO, running administrative operations of a company".

Wow. Awesome.

"Unfortunately, the role you're in is one where you need to suppress the "boss" in you ".
Then came a discussion about needing to make sure I do not cross professional boundaries.
There are others who are threatened by my "unofficial" leadership. 
Bummer. Not so awesome. 

My work week has always been divided between two buildings.
At one location, I am respected.
My opinion is valued and others seek my advice.
They give me room to be an "unofficial" leader.
They've given me room to grow.

In the other location, I am pushed down and oppressed.
Eye rolling.
Rude comments.
Public attempts to "put me in my place".
They complain, criticize and correct every move I make.

I was recently told I would be losing one building due to an increasing work load.
Hope filled my heart with the possibility of leaving such a negative place.
But when my placement was revealed...
I was told I would be remaining in the location that needed my skills the most.
A place where I could "prove myself" to those who doubted me.
But also the place where I am cut down and mistreated.

Grief. 

Sadness.

Anger.

I've been spending a lot of time with God.
Trying to understand why this would be the best place for me.
How could I possibly grow in this environment?

I was led to Matthew 5: 3-11.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted. 

 Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth. 

 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven".

 

 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.  Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven".

This did bring some comfort...

Though it was little. 

I still was frustrated.

Why am I being left in the one place where I am suffering?

So my prayers continued.

Why, God? I still do not understand.

And then He said to me,

"They will see Me through you".

Suddenly I realized that this is not about me at all.

It is about Him. 

Until this point, I thought there was some kind of lesson I was supposed to be learning here. 

But He showed me that it is they who need to learn something.

And He is using me to teach them. 

 
It hit me that God was answering another prayer of mine through these circumstances.

Every day I ask Him to use me. 

"I want to be Your hands and feet, Jesus". 

"Lead me into situations where I can show others who You are".

"Lead me to others who need You".

"Make me a light".

 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven". - Matthew 5: 14-16

I realized that THIS is the how 

and THIS is the why

I ever obtained a position that was so above my qualifications six years ago.

This was His plan all along.

This is the situation I asked for. 

These are the people I asked Him to lead me to.

I have come to accept that this is a Heavenly mission.

I will hold my head high.

Let go of the bitterness. 

Smile. 

Be kind.

Forgive their wicked intentions. 

I will not fight back. 

And when they see that I am not fighting fire with fire

And not responding with the natural urge we all feel to give blows back to our aggressors...

They will see that there is something about me that is... different. 

Something that is not typical human nature. 

They will see Jesus.

"Then Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me".  - Matthew 16: 24 

I've decided that if He is going to lead me through this valley

to show others who He is...

then I will deny myself,

take up my cross,

and follow Him. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6