These Are My Skeletons

As we grow and stumble upon self discovery, we tend to do one of two things; either we search our past for answers to the why and how we became the person we are today or we avoid looking back at all costs. However, there is a shared, natural desire to try and find meaning in the painful periods of our lives. As I started my own reflections of the past, I began finding larger scale "lessons" in both big and small events that ran through my memory. Each little note below is personal to me and filled with confessions...some never spoken before. I share because we're all only human and can often times be encouraged when allowed a glimpse into another person's heart...even when some of it is not so pretty. 

Your ability to grow as an individual is inhibited when you change yourself to fit in. 

 It might bring momentary approval from the crowd... but the trade could be losing yourself in the process.

Contrary to what we all once thought, there is life beyond 6th-12th grade. The girl making fun of your pants at recess will not be a part of your life forever. Her opinion does not matter. The boy that makes jokes about your weight will end up growing into a pretty unattractive person himself. Don't take his words to heart. The fact is, most of the people we meet throughout life are merely passing through. The human desire to fit in and be accepted can be overwhelming, yes...but the sooner you recognize that there is BEAUTY in individuality, the better off you'll be. Learn to embrace the things that make you different from your peers. You cannot flourish as the greatest you until you start actually being... YOU.

Wearing a mask to become a replica of someone else or just blindly following the crowd 

is a tragic, premature assassination of the person you could have become. 

Dare to let that person live.   


 

Believing that you are defined by a broken home, a sick parent, drug abuse, poverty or any other unfortunate circumstance... is a trap. Falling for the lie will bind you in chains.

 It is difficult to grow up and struggle with each new stage of brain development, becoming more aware of what "normal" really is and having to re-process the dysfunction that you may have been subjected to as a child. These things cycle in families so it's not always easy breaking out... but it is possible. You can take your life wherever you want it to go, no matter where you've come from.  Learn to use your pain as determination to be a better person. You have to accept that mothers and fathers are just people too. And people make mistakes. Parents make mistakes. If your parent(s) was not the most responsible/attentive parent in the world or maybe someone hurt you... forgive them.   

There is freedom in forgiveness. 

 Bitterness and resentment only hurts the heart that's holding it in.

You have to make a choice to let it go.

Riding a bike with no hands is all fun and games... until you become more concerned with impressing the friends riding beside you than you are with what lies ahead.

Looking to see if others are entertained with what you're doing may cause you to realize (too late) that you're heading straight for a parked car. In a terrified attempt to avoid a crash, you might jerk the handlebars too quickly to the left and skid on some sand. This could result in a much unwanted rendezvous between your skin and the pavement. You might even bend your ankle in such a way that you fracture the growth plate and have to sport a super trendy walking boot to Jr. High for the next eight weeks.

Never let your search for approval cause you to take your eyes off the road.

At the end of the day, nobody but yourself can save you from crashing.

Not taking the time to really know your grandparents could prove to be perhaps one of your life's greatest regrets.

Recognize that grandparents are a precious gift and allow yourself time to cherish them while you still can. Ask them questions about what their lives were like when they were young. Find out where they came from and what dreams they might have had. Discover their history...and their wisdom. Go and play scrabble with your grandmother each and every time she asks. The excuses you made as a foolish teenager will weigh heavily on your heart when she's gone. Have her teach you how to make proper lefse. Ask her where/when/why your family traditions started. Never take advantage of a selflessly giving grandfather. And don't ever doubt the power that his faithful prayers for you can have.

Don't get so wrapped up in your own world that you end up missing the chance to honor those who came before you.

Compromising your morals to be accepted by others is a much too slippery slope. You're wasting time in the darkness when you could be the light.

If what the other kids are doing feels wrong in your core...it probably is. Avoid social situations where you know the activities will have you going against what you believe in. Telling yourself that you'll just go to be social but not participate is a lie. I'm telling you now that you will have zero fun if you soberly watch a bunch of lunatics roll down a huge mountain of iron ore while another group around the fire is pouring splashes of their beer out as a tribute to the dead fox on a stick that some drunk kid found in the woods. Do yourself a favor...just don't go. In years to come, I promise that you will feel better about yourself having been that weird girl who never partied. You won't feel good about being the girl who went to all the keggers, got hammered and was the one leading those lunatics up the iron ore mountain...but then went to church every Sunday and youth group every Wednesday and played the part of big. huge. hypocrite. Be diligent in following your heart.

Their acceptance does not end the internal tug of war between your physical self and your spirit.

It's not worth suffering while you secretly hate everything about the person you're becoming.

The prize of temporary acceptance is nothing compared to the reward of being able to look back to the past and be proud of who you were.  

Never take for granted the luxury of shutting the door to use a toilet in private. 

Detention center bathroom stalls do not have doors. You will shower, use the toilet, dress and undress, eat and sleep under the watchful eyes of staff and peers at all times. In addition to the horror of those experiences, you must also learn to: 

count your number in line every time you pass under a doorway, 

witness at least a couple suicide attempts, 

never laugh in front of "the window", 

eat instant eggs made from powder for breakfast (yes, these exist. and they're green)...

all while proudly wearing orange jumpsuits and velcro shoes. 

If you fail, you may be stuck scrubbing the unspeakable with a toothbrush during early morning work crew as punishment. Or worse yet, have your stay extended for as long as it takes for you to get enough points to climb the ladder to freedom.

Avoid behavior that will land you in a place like this. 

Enough said. 



Do not be fooled into thinking that are immune, exempt or somehow not going to be effected by the consistent use of hard drugs.

Adopting the whole "never going to happen to me" attitude is a dangerous gamble. Drugs are extremely addictive, no matter who you are. You might try the "only this once" bit but...

 before you know it you'll be hiding out for a week straight in someone's basement with the lights off and everything in the house unplugged from the outlets. Or even more disturbing, maybe living out of a car in the woods and shaving your legs in the lake at 3 AM. All the while, you're hallucinating that little children are playing in garbage cans in the street and giraffes are hanging from the trees. Next, your ditching true friends who care about you for the ones who allow you to use. You will make them cry and beg you to stop. But you can't. You don't even want to. Then the next thing you know you're being kicked out of one of your best friend's graduation party because everyone knows you're off your head and you're eyes are freaking people out. And then you're alone. 

You will lie to and steal from people you love. Drugs will change you. It can happen to you. Period. 

Run far far away... 

before you're so lost that you cannot find your way back. 


   

Do not be too proud to receive help when you need it. 

You could be missing a Heavenly inspired, divine appointment. 

Humbly accept genuinely kind people's offers to help you through (or even out of) a difficult period in your life. God works through people. The person might simply be someone to talk to when you feel like nobody else is listening. It might be someone working in a job office who helps you see the potential in yourself when you feel like everyone else has given up on you. It might be someone who opens their home to you when your life is a nightmare and you have nowhere else to go. And if you really seek Him, it could be something as smack in the face obvious as a stranger in a car repair shop telling you that there is no charge for fixing your tire today because he feels like 

"God is telling him to do it for free".

Learn to recognize when He has sent someone to you.

Believe in Angels on earth.